


Ups and Downs

by Anonymous_Creator



Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fade to Black, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 13:30:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16954968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Creator/pseuds/Anonymous_Creator
Summary: Taliesin doesn't always stick to the FDA's approved pharmaceutical list to deal with his brain demons. Sometimes that works out great. Sometimes it doesn't.





	Ups and Downs

**Author's Note:**

> The first rule of shipping real life humans is -- don't ship the real life humans. Especially don't ship them anywhere they can SEE it. And for the good grace of green apples don't mention it in places outside of this. This is weird. You're here too, welcome to my weird, weirdling. Enjoy it, but let's respect the real life humans and keep it on the down low.
> 
> I also appreciate comments, all that being said. If you're feeling brave.

Taliesin escorted Marisha through his home after she toed off her shoes. They made their way around the corner and to his bedroom. The phone call wasn’t the first and undoubtedly wouldn’t be the last.

“Thank you again,” Marisha said. “You’re a life saver.”She dropped her work backpack, weighed down with a laptop and portable battery packs, on the floor next to the door.

Tal smiled for her and started to run a hand through his hair before he stopped. Mousse was a fun look but not really compatible with soft and touchable.

“You going to swing around the purple spectrum some more?” Marisha asked as she gestured to his head.

“Yeah, thinking about it. May go black and deep red for Krampus, though.”

“Ah, Goth Santa,” she said. “Nothing like the original.”

Marisha smiled and Taliesin felt the room glow. Damn it. Why had he agreed to help her when he was this particular kind of high?

Marisha opened the Tardis painted doors of his closet and began pawing through his clothes. “So what do we think? Is there something in here that can say professional, geek, and yet assertive and sex positive all at once?” She pulled out a sheer white lace top with sweeping gothic sleeves, turned and held it up to him with an arch in one eyebrow.

“Hello,” she said with a drawn out purr, “I’ll be your host this evening.”

Taliesin’s mind skipped and stuttered but his mouth didn’t get the memo.

“I can think of a few parties you could host in that blouse,” he said.

Marisha’s sex kitten demeanor dropped and she glared at him. “You’re just jealous, darling.” She stuffed the shirt back into the closet and kept her back to him as she continued hunting. “You know, we’re not completely idiots,” she said. She passed a few tops over her shoulder which Taliesin dutifully collected on the bed.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, we’ve done this enough to know you’ve picked the perfect thing and are just taunting us with our poor taste.” She cast a look over her shoulder, the left corner of her lips pulled up in half a smile.

Time froze for him. The light from the closet bulb shone through the bounce of her auburn hair and illuminated her as if she were a heavenly body. His eyes traced every curve of her cheek and lip and chin and followed the lines of her neck and breasts and the graceful sweep of her hips.

His head filled with the fantasy of pushing away from the bed. Running his hands under her t-shirt to feel the softness of her. Pressing his hand into her hair and pulling her lips to his own. Cupping the curve of her ass and press her against him. Feeling the heat of her against his thigh as he kissed her.

He blinked. Marisha sat on the bed next to him. His hands were in hers as she said his name.

“You’ll muss the velvet,” he said. She was sitting on top of a pile of shirts. She shouldn’t be doing that.

“Yes, Taliesin, I know I’m sitting on your shirts. But you kinda zonked out on me there for a minute.” Her hand touched his forehead. A cool, gentle touch. She frowned.

“You’re burning up. Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

It was such an easy out. Such a simple explanation. If he’d had an ounce of self-control he would have taken it and been eternally grateful.

“I’m not sick,” he heard himself saying before he pulled his hands away from hers and covered his mouth to stop anything else from coming out. That didn’t feel sufficient so he bit into the side of his palm hard enough to cause a spike of delicious pain. He whimpered as the firebolt whipped through his spine, shot up into his brain and then down into center of his desire.

Marisha’s face froze in a startled moment of comprehension, her lips a delightful round ‘oh’. He bit harder, closed his eyes and wondered if he could die simultaneously from excessive embarrassment and want.

He heard some of the hangers hit the floor as she moved off the bed. That was okay. It was better she get out of here. He shouldn’t have taken that dose this morning. He shouldn’t have picked up the phone after taking that dose. It should have been muted. There were rules about these things for a reason.

“You know we’re not against you being you, Taliesin.” Her voice was too close to him. It confused him. She should be at the door. She shouldn’t be here at all.

“And you also know that we don’t want you taking that particular drug alone.” He whimpered into his hand as he felt a warmth along his back. Her hair ticked his nose as she wrapped herself around him from behind and held him.

“So, as much as most of you is saying that you and I would be just great in this moment, I know you’d be unhappy about that after. Did you dose this morning, love?”

Another nod. Wet tears on his cheeks. Sore lungs from trying not to scream at how much he wanted to turn around and take her.

“Can you manage to hold yourself together long enough for me to make a phone call?”

Yes. Yes. The words rolled through his mind. For you, for you anything and everything. Even this pain. Especially this pain.

He head jerked up and down a few times.

Marisha didn’t let him go as she wiggled enough to get one hand into her pocket and extract her phone.

“Hey. Yeah. Uhhuh. That’s great and all but remember the retreat last summer? Funny you mention Tal. Can you head over to his place, like, now now? Yeah. That’s a good idea. Okay. Bye.”

Marisha slid the phone back into her pocket and wrapped her arms around him again. He couldn’t stop his back from wiggling into her, trying to increase the contact between them.

“Settle down, you,” she said in a stern tone.

He stopped. They floated there, a blanket of warmth and the soft scent of her near him and the feeling of her breath. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t open his eyes. If he saw her he’d want to say something and nothing he could say would be enough.

There was a knocking at the outside door. Marisha kissed the top of his head and told him to stay. Just stay for a few moments.

He obeyed.

The door opened. Indistinct voices as Marisha talked to someone at the front of the house. Weight shifted on the bed. He leaned into the hand that touched his cheek without thought or care, savoring the physical contact.

“You think you’ve gone and made a mess of it?” Liam’s voice caught at the snag in his chest and ripped it open. Taliesin released his hand from his mouth and fell into Liam’s arms, sobbing.

Liam rocked Taliesin against his chest, held him tightly. It felt like a breath of sanity. “Hey, hey. I’m here. You’re not alone. I’ve got you.”

He saw Marisha slip out the door and close it gently. Taliesin shut his eyes again. The world was just a bit too much.

“I’m sorry.” He said. He meant it. “This wasn’t supposed to be quite this kind of ride.”

“I can only imagine.” And that was the funny part. Liam was always, always the designated sober when it came to anything beyond liqueur. And he never begrudged them their experiments. Even when it ended in various and mutually agreeable tangles of humans.

“So,” Liam kissed his forehead. This innocent contact sent a delicate ripple of longing through Taliesin. “I’m your designated non-sober boy toy, remember? You can touch me.”

Liam took Taliesin’s hand and pressed it against his own face. Taliesin sucked in a breath as he felt the rough stubble on Liam’s chin on his palm.

“You can talk to me.” Liam took the hand that Taliesin had bitten and pressed a delicate kiss against the imprint of teeth Taliesin had left in his own skin.

“Oh gods, Liam, I wanted her. I wanted her and I know that’s not okay and I just I don’t know what to do and I--“

Liam ran his finger over Taliesin’s lips. Taliesin quivered and his breath caught in his throat.

“You didn’t act on it. Because you’re still you. And you are still a good person. And because you are a good person you don’t have to ever feel like this and be alone. No matter how good you are at pleasing yourself.”One hand reached up and gripped his shoulder. Liam gave a playful tap on Taliesin’s cheek with three fingers. His lips trembled as the feeling of it flooded his entire face.

“Please.”

“Please what?” Liam said.

“Please fuck me.”

The hand on his shoulder tightened.

“Can you open your eyes and say that, Tal?”

Taliesin forced himself to open his eyes and meet Liam’s gaze. Love. There was just love there. Nothing else he had feared.

“See. I’m here. I’m here because I want to be. Because I’m your friend. Because I love you. Because you’re a sexy motherfucker and my wife is the most indulgent, kindhearted person on the planet. So ask me again. Knowing all that. Remembering all that.”

“I love you too, but for the love of Gods’ Fucking and Fucking Gods, will you please fuck me?”

Liam burst into delighted laughter and took Taliesin face into his hands.

“Yes. As long as you’ll return the favor.” And kisses turned into touches and touches into long, languid licks and the day turned on its head in the most satisfactory way.

* * *

Taliesin woke in his bed, momentarily alarmed to find himself alone and groggy. Then he heard the water run in the bathroom before Liam opened the door and flipped off the light. 

“Hey sleepyhead. How are you feeling?” Liam held out a glass of water.

Taliesin scooted back to brace against the head board before accepting it.

“Better. I think.” He took a quick sip and set the glass aside. “I uh. I was a bit of an ass?”

“You can do better than that.” Liam said as he got back under the covers and rested his head on Taliesin’s chest.

“I did a stupid thing that could have fucked some things up, and we need to improve our game plan on not having that happen in the future.”

“That’s getting on the right track,” Liam said.

Taliesin stroked his hands over Liam’s head and began to gently massage his temples.

“Mhhmm. Don’t think that magically gets you off the hook. Also don’t stop.”

Taliesin sighed and sat back for a few moments. Liam didn’t disturb him while he got his thoughts in order.

“One. I didn’t execute the plan for feeling like shit and jumped straight to a dose. Two. I did the dose without telling anyone--“ he cleared his throat and blinked back tears. “I was ashamed that I needed it, because I had dosed last week.” His voice grew softer. “And I know that doesn’t matter to you guys but it matters to me.”

Liam shifted on the bed and took Taliesin in his arms. Taliesin gingerly hugged Liam and fought back an ugly, destructive cry.

“And that brings us to three,” Liam said softly.

“I’ll give you the rest. I won’t keep it here any longer.”

“And?”

Taliesin pulled away, confused.

“And you talk with your psychiatrist about this,” Liam said with a gentle voice.

Taliesin fought the urge to instantly say no. “Liam, even in California…”

“And you talk to your psychiatrist about this, or we talk to your lady about all this and she’ll talk to her. Because you signed those papers because you trust her.”

Taliesin shook his head a few times before he wiped the tears off his cheeks. “Fine. Okay. I’ll talk to her. To them both.”

Liam kissed him on the cheek before he placed his phone in his hand. “I’ll be in the next room, alright?”

Liam slipped into his clothes and left the bedroom with the door half open.

Taliesin sighed and stared at the dark smooth glass a solid minute before he unlocked his phone and dialed.


End file.
